Chris had to be at work at midnight, so I stayed downstairs with a fussy Ryder, and then read a bit after he left and passed out, literally book in hand about 1 am. 5 am (3-4 hours before he's supposed to be of I miss a call from Chris, so I check my voicemails and then call him back when I can see enough to press something other than the 1 key for messages. He wanted to know which door to go in, so I say the front door is locked and bolted but the slide lock is undone. He tells me I'm going to have to bring him to the emergency room. That the pain of his kidney stones is too much and he can't manage it anymore. So I PANIC, fly downstairs with Ryder tell my mom to watch him, go get dressed and Chris is home like 5 minutes later. I reach for the keys, he says he's coming in he has to change, I'm like to go to the ER?! He's like I'll be there a while. I said okay, he thanked me for the rice krispie treats said everyone loved them, I reached for the dish they were in and he went up stairs to change, I went downstairs and put the dish on the counter. He drives there, we get there about 5:30ish about 8 we leave, he's on morphine, has about 3 or 4 more stones in his kidney aside from the ones he's passing. They send him home with percocet and flowmax. We go to IHOP (where I'm informed Chris is feeling claustrophobic, he's indecisive, he wants to be sure, that it hurts him that the kids ask every time if they're going to get to spend the night, how he's torn up inside, and is putting me on the same level as the kids, oh and he's very protective of his children, I'm going to chalk the last comment up the muscle relaxers and pain meds) to eat so when we pick up the scripts he can take one. Head over to Rite-Aid, he has dual insurance, and the first from the Air Force wants a generic brand, such good care for the men and women serving our country, right? So he looks for his other card, and we go home and start digging. As we're coming off 900, and turn onto 4500, we end up behind bum bum bum MELISSA! We get to 1300 and the lights red, we're in the turn lane she's going straight. I get this look on my face. Chris asks what's up. I said the irony of my life is hilarious, because if I didn't laugh I would cry. He's like what? I said it's me, you, then Melissa, stuck at a red light, which means YOU CAN'T MOVE FORWARD. My GOD the irony! He's like she didn't pull forward she didn't make eye contact. I said that's not the point. So aside from the 14 cops we passed on the way, I was a little more than already frazzled. So we're pulling into the complex, and Bob the landlord is pulling in as well. I'm like Fucking Christ it's going to be a fan-fucking-tastic day! Chris goes to talk to him, informs me that Bob is 'cutting him some slack about us being here because of all the work Chris does here.' FUCK YOU OLD MAN! This place looks AMAZING! And you DON'T know about the TWO 80LB MOTHER FUCKING DOGS HERE OR THE CAT because GUESS WHAT!? We're NEAT people! We CLEAN up after ourselves so SHOVE IT UP YOUR MORMON ASS! We head back over to Rite-Aid, few more cops later, I'm exhausted and I just know this god damn day is NO where near over with. What's next Big on my door with flowers? Chyea right!

So I really know how to step in it. C and I were texting last night, and then he called. I answered, we were on the phone for 40 minutes. I had to pee and check on Ryder, so I said I'd call him back, and I did. . .about 2 hours later we ended the call. He called again this morning, and is going to call me later tonight. Big and I were on the phone before and after, texting in between, and was the last texts at night. Like he used to be.
He also met K last night. Which I am more okay with than I thought I would be. Still sucks they met each other before I met either lol.
Then there's J who's like my horror movie soulmate, and is just so intelligent and funny. Quick on the draw.
And now Idaho turned out to be the bitch I knew she was. Using her new found religion to chastise Big for the way he lives, when no more than a week ago she was doing the same things as he.
I have a date with both J and C when I get there, but I know if Big is like let's make a go of this, I will drop them like a bad habit. I really like C though. The idea though, that's he's 38, with a 21 year old son, who is trying to make him a grandfather; at 25 is kinda scary. He has 4 kids, and he's amazing with them. He says the most amazing things to me, he seems to be mesmerized by me or something. He thinks everything I do is fantastic. He calls just to say good morning, texts whenever he gets a free minute. And was showing me around to his co-workers on his cell the other day. He thanks me for talking to him, and tells me he enjoys it. He says things like he's amazed at how I handle things with Ryder. I don't know if part of his charm is the way he just spoils me with affection. It's been a long time, a very long time, since I've had someone do that.
Big is the love of my life, and he's doing this incredible thing. He's wanted to live in Vegas for the longest time. He's giving that chance up to make sure I have a place to stay in Cedar. He's telling them on Monday that he wants to do what he was hired on for and go to Cedar for 6 months, and if then things need to change he'll go to Vegas. He wants us to put the lease in our name and still take care of the deposit and stuff. I don't even know what to make of that. He keeps saying taking me into consideration, and I cry, I literally cry every time he says it. I keep telling him that he doesn't need to do that, but on the other hand, I am SO thankful he is.
We'll see what Monday holds, they may very well tell him no you have to stay. Things are just getting so complicated. And scary. I feel like a hypocrite. I keep telling Big not to deny us, and that it's not fair to push the idea of an us to the backburner solely because of the distance, yet here I am with C, planning a few months worth of activities the weekend after I get there. It started as a distraction from Big, something to ease me into the idea of he and Idaho. Now I don't know what it is. I know I love him with every fiber of my being, and I have for a very long time. If he said today I want to be with you and you only, I would drop everyone else in my life, but I am starting to feel bad about it with C, which means I am starting to like him more than I thought.
Serenity prayer time.