She's Come Undone

Decisions, Decisions. . .

Sep. 9th, 2008 at 10:31 AM

After speaking with Andy last night, and him calling me baby on more than one occasion. . .and being completely PETRIFIED that he's in Texas all this week, with Hurricane Ike heading right for where he and Todd are,I'm so torn. He, Ryder, and I have a date when he gets back, he better be there :(

My 3 choices are this:

Wausau - Have a few good friends there, Trent, Ryan, and found a really cute house with a pick your plan lease option to buy (pics below). While Ryan is interested, and Trent's been there since Jason and I split, there's no 'boy drama' there. No memories of a life gone wrong, no wrong decisions made, but it's still in WI, and Wausau is not the booming town of Madison/Middleton, if staying in WI is my choice.

Middleton/Madison - Andy's there, business is good. If not for Andy I know bringing Ryder into the world would have been near impossible. I know for a fact I wouldn't be here right now, hearing him through Stephanie saying stay with me baby, stay with me baby, was the only thing I could hear, aside from Ryder, when I was literally slipping away. I knew I needed to be here for my son. I knew Andy needed me to be here for Ryder, and him too. It seems he and I are the only ones who can understand the pain. Of loving someone so much, it kills you, but you do it anyway. You set them free, you stand on your own two wobbly feet, and you try to make a life without them. You try to be there to support them, you smile through your tears. You comfort through your heart breaking. A pain so intense you can literally feel the insides on fire and shattering. You force yourself up in the day, you force yourself to sleep alone at night. You hang on to hope that one day, it will hurt just a little less. Just a little.

I'm sorry Andy, he's my Liz. You know that. Despite what you said. . .I know what I need to do. . .I can't. I'll never lose hope, just as you won't.

Cedar City - The more I think about this one. . .what I thought was true. . .he was there all weekend, called in sick yesterday and spent another day there. Part of me think he's throwing his entire life into her, because his entire life is about to change. However you can't deny when the man you are completely in love with tells you he's thought about giving it all up for her, yet the thought never crossed his mind to call in sick for a day and be with you. Or that she's thought about giving it all up for him, when you were already in the process. Especially when you've been talking all weekend to someone about renting this house on October 1st.