EXCUSE the MOTHER FUCK out of me!? Ummm, no it was SUPPOSED to be MONDAY ASSHOLE! MONDAY! Not TWO years after you moved 500 miles away and back in with mommy, leaving me YOUR fucking mess of bills to clean up! Not when my son will be almost SIX FUCKING MONTHS OLD, before I'm even able to START to try and get child support from that piece of shit David, because like you ALWAYS do you lazy piece of shit you drug your ass on getting the god damn divorce papers drawn up!
Where's the child support supposed to come from? YOU?! Fucking ASSHOLE!!!!
- ...:::Feeling:::...:
pissed off
He's moved to Missouri, escaping all responsibility again. Ryder is 3 1/2 months old and I have yet to see a dime. You know my mom asks me all the time, why I care? Why I want to put David on the birth certificate, or even have Ryder know about him. Mostly because Ryder has a sister, I'm sure more siblings out there and God forbid something happened, they could be a match for whatever he might need.
Chris is Ryder's dad now, and I couldn't have built a better role model and father if I had a build-your-own workshop. However he, and the kids are not a biological match. Our kids could be just as much as Ivy and any other illegitimate child David leaves in his wake. But I feel I'm somehow short changing Ryder on a chance if something happened. The ONLY reason I want David on that birth certificate is medically and because David should not get to do what he did and just leave. Skirt all responsibility.
Ryder is the best thing David has done in his life, and I'll be damned if he's going to see him. I hate that he's closer now. I loved the idea of him being 1500 miles away, and I have a feeling he's working his way back to Vegas.
- ...:::Feeling:::...: annoyed
- ...:::Singing::...:9 Crimes - Damien Rice
- ...:::Feeling:::...:
blank
We get there and the nurse comes in starts asking all kinds of questions, Dr comes in asks all the same questions. They get him nakey, get his vitals, he pees all over the nurse, they swaddle him and put him in the crib. We talk some more, and I'm thinking son of a bitch I have to get a hold of David and get medical records. Fuck me sideways.
Dr leaves to look at his chart, and I'm sitting there in the room bawling. Dr comes back in and says well he's awake, he's eating, he's peeing, he's pooping, he's a small kid, but he's not emaciated or gaunt. We can keep him here or send him home to keep doing what you're doing, and have him checked every other day. I said do you think him saying is necessary? He said no, so home we are. I have a journal that I have to keep track of what he eats, when he eats, how long, how much, what breast, and when, when he poops, pees, what color, how much.
Andy calls on the way home asking where we are, what happened, what's going on, text him later, how am I? It was like sitting in a cooker, but while he may not be there at the time things are happening, he's there as soon as possible, and I can not thank him enough. Going through all this alone is heartbreaking and makes things a million times worse. It's so nice having someone to lean on. Than GOD he is home from Texas, the first damn thing I heard walking in the door was how Ike tripled in size, and those not heading the evacuation orders face certain death. Fucking crazy.
Leaving him is going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. Or it could be telling him at dinner that we're leaving. I'll get back to you on it.
I was so damn scared. Thank God we're home.
- ...:::Feeling:::...:
exhausted
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