So I really know how to step in it. C and I were texting last night, and then he called. I answered, we were on the phone for 40 minutes. I had to pee and check on Ryder, so I said I'd call him back, and I did. . .about 2 hours later we ended the call. He called again this morning, and is going to call me later tonight. Big and I were on the phone before and after, texting in between, and was the last texts at night. Like he used to be.
He also met K last night. Which I am more okay with than I thought I would be. Still sucks they met each other before I met either lol.
Then there's J who's like my horror movie soulmate, and is just so intelligent and funny. Quick on the draw.
And now Idaho turned out to be the bitch I knew she was. Using her new found religion to chastise Big for the way he lives, when no more than a week ago she was doing the same things as he.
I have a date with both J and C when I get there, but I know if Big is like let's make a go of this, I will drop them like a bad habit. I really like C though. The idea though, that's he's 38, with a 21 year old son, who is trying to make him a grandfather; at 25 is kinda scary. He has 4 kids, and he's amazing with them. He says the most amazing things to me, he seems to be mesmerized by me or something. He thinks everything I do is fantastic. He calls just to say good morning, texts whenever he gets a free minute. And was showing me around to his co-workers on his cell the other day. He thanks me for talking to him, and tells me he enjoys it. He says things like he's amazed at how I handle things with Ryder. I don't know if part of his charm is the way he just spoils me with affection. It's been a long time, a very long time, since I've had someone do that.
Big is the love of my life, and he's doing this incredible thing. He's wanted to live in Vegas for the longest time. He's giving that chance up to make sure I have a place to stay in Cedar. He's telling them on Monday that he wants to do what he was hired on for and go to Cedar for 6 months, and if then things need to change he'll go to Vegas. He wants us to put the lease in our name and still take care of the deposit and stuff. I don't even know what to make of that. He keeps saying taking me into consideration, and I cry, I literally cry every time he says it. I keep telling him that he doesn't need to do that, but on the other hand, I am SO thankful he is.
We'll see what Monday holds, they may very well tell him no you have to stay. Things are just getting so complicated. And scary. I feel like a hypocrite. I keep telling Big not to deny us, and that it's not fair to push the idea of an us to the backburner solely because of the distance, yet here I am with C, planning a few months worth of activities the weekend after I get there. It started as a distraction from Big, something to ease me into the idea of he and Idaho. Now I don't know what it is. I know I love him with every fiber of my being, and I have for a very long time. If he said today I want to be with you and you only, I would drop everyone else in my life, but I am starting to feel bad about it with C, which means I am starting to like him more than I thought.
Serenity prayer time.